Having taught for thirty-three years, I suppose I could give some advice to parents about dealing with their children during this new school year. However, the advice I am going to give comes from two of my eighth grade students. I overheard this conversation while they were waiting for their bus shift one afternoon.
Student #1: "Mrs. Smith makes me sick!! She just don't like me!! Just 'cause my paper was late and written in pencil don't make no difference and she didn't have to shame me in front of the class by sayin' she was gonna take points off!! When my mama hears about this, she's gonna be up here first thing in the morning and set all these people straight!! They have no right to treat me this way!"
Student #2: " My mama don't come up here makin' no fool outta herself! She told me that I gotta get up here and behave and learn. She don't tolerate no excuses. Says it's my job to get along with the teachers and make good grades."
Well, by the end of the year Student #1 was failing, had been suspended several times, and had developed a reputation (along with her mother) that followed her to the high school where matters only got worse. Student #2, who was a cheerleader and active 4H participant, ended her year on the Honor Roll, voted a class favorite, and with her teachers writing recommendations for AP classes in high school.
Now I should probably stop this post here; the lesson is self-explanatory, but I can't. You see those of you who are already raising students like my Student #2, get it. You understand that turning over responsibility for their own lives and choices to your child is necessary for their proper growth and development. Responsibility develops confidence. Confidence results in self esteem. The byproducts of self esteem are patience, perseverance, optimism, friendliness, sympathy for others, courage and self reliance; everything needed to make a person well rounded and likable.
But there are those parents that just don't get it. They think that "being there" for their child means bailing them out of every hardship. By never letting their child be held accountable for their choices, they are handicapping their child. I have had 14 year old students pout and have temper tantrums just like they did when they were two years old and I felt so sorry for them. Their parents had never required them to mature beyond their toddler years. How would these children ever make it in high school, much less college or the workplace.
I wish that as this new school year begins, every parent would sit down with their child and say something like this:
"Honey, this year you are going to be in ______ grade. Your number one job is to have a successful year.
It is your responsibility to get along with each one of your teachers. This will be easy with some of them and tougher with others, but if you look each one in the eye and say "Good Morning" every time you enter the room and if you treat them with respect and do not disrupt their class, you can develop a great relationship with them. Developing relationships is one of life's most important skills! Getting along with teachers, coaches, band directors, and principals is a great way to hone that skill.
Your next responsibility is to learn the educational material for this grade. College and your career may seem like a long way off, but what you learn now is laying the foundation for your future. We expect you to listen in class and complete your assignments on time and to best of your ability. We expect you to study for tests and take your grades seriously. Your work is a reflection of who you are and you are a reflection of our family.
Your last responsibility this year is to others; your family, friends, and school mates. Be kind and sympathetic. Be courageous and stand up for others. Be honest and trustworthy. Don't be boastful. Be fun-loving.
We are your parents and we love you. We will be behind you every step of the way this year. You can come to us for advice at any time, but the choices you make and their resulting consequences are yours. We have faith in you and will rejoice in your success this year."
Here's to a great 2014-2015 school year!!!
Love ya'll, Shelli
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